Question of the Day for June 3rd:I made a friend a blue & white table runner& one day as I was walking up her driveway unexpectedly I heard through her open windows her exclaim "Quick get the blue runner she's coming up the drive, I don't know why she ever gave me that I don't have any blue anymore" MY question is what would you do?We have only been friends for 2 yrs & she wears blue EVERYDAY!

You have gotten a lot of good advice here. Just ask yourself if her friendship is important to you and if so,let it go.
Meri

i dunno some folks are just dense & don't know any better

I know hearing that hurt your feelings as it would have mine too. Guess the only thing to do is to put on your big girl panties and forget it but don't make the same mistake twice. I gave all the girls in our extended family white embroidered kitchen towels last year only to have my SIL turn around and hand them off to my GD saying here you can have these I don't do white. Guess who won't even make the list this year?

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by toolips 04 Jun 2012

to right

Know of a couple that when you give them something they display it and when you leave they put who it's from and store it until you come back again. They just don't like things around them but don't get rid of them. It was really rude what she did and I would probably not want to be around her.

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by pldc 04 Jun 2012

thanks for your support Anita, Hugs Loralye

This reminds me of an incident a long time ago with my first marriage. I hand crocheted a daisy afghan for my MIL for Christmas. I went to visit in January and my FIL had it in the cellar wrapped aroung the water tank as it had frozen and when he got it thawed out he did not want it to freeze up again. My MIL actually voluntarily told me where it was! This was not a finished cellar, it was a dirty mud floor cellar. I was heartbroken to think this was their opinion of my gift that I had spent quite a bit of time on and at that time was wishing for their approval. That marriage was as much of a mistake as making the afghan. I am now remarried and appreciated. Move on with life, she is not worth your time in feeling hurt. You were very generous and a true friend, she was not. There are others out there that would greatly appreciate your talents. Hugs,Barba

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by pldc 04 Jun 2012

I am sorry that they hurt you, it was a very mean & vindictive thing that she did & telling you to go & see well that was just wrong! I don't want to rush into any decisions sew I will think on it& pray too & then I will leave it in Gods Hands Like I always do

by pldc 04 Jun 2012

Like I always do

by toolips 04 Jun 2012

sounds like another dense one

If she treats everyone that way she must not have any friends. I would not condider her my friend.

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by pldc 04 Jun 2012

then maybe she needs me even more,

I think I need some time to really consider this & I know that old saying you can't have too many friends & we get along well sew maybe she really does need the Money & I haven't been listening properly to see this?

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by pldc 04 Jun 2012

that doesn't really make me a very good friend either? I have to see if I can find anything out about the $$$$ & maybe I can help

by rescuer 04 Jun 2012

Just make sure you are well rested and ready for the answer.
Each of us were raised differently. We all have our own ideas about what to keep/sell/throw-out.
Regardless of her reasons, you can still be friends.

Very sorry for all the hurt you are feeling.
I will always generously give a gift to friends and family.
But once given, it is theirs, and I will never blame them or myself for what happens to it after.
One never overhears good about oneself, and maybe she needs some cash.
Second hand shops are a thriving Business from unwanted gifts and items.
Lots of hugs Bev

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by pldc 04 Jun 2012

wow I am not sure that money is a problem with her but dh always says never spend someone elses money! what they do with it is their business & not mine!

Is she REALLY your friend or fiend??

I don't think I would ever make her anything again. Maybe at Christmas she will gift you with one of your projects. No excuse for this woman.
Bev

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by pldc 04 Jun 2012

I thought it was pretty rude, & I always try to see the positive side of things, but maybe bevgritf was right maybe she needs the cash?

well Ladies you will never guess @ how this story is ENDING! she was @ the sale & shocked me to the core because FIRST she knew I was going & working like crazy TWO she didn't tell me she was going THREE she doesn't sew she KNITS! 7 WORST OF ALL THE THINGS THAT I HAVE MADE HER OVER THE 2 YR "FRIENDSHIP" SHE WAS SELLING! when I was taken for a walk I saw her booth & went over to look & was quite taken aback & she played it very non-chalent like it was no big deal & she was selling the table runner that I had made her for $45.oo! she took the $ & said well I didn't want it anymore sew why not? Anything that I make as a gift for this woman came with a little card with washing instructions on it & they were still there!My neice was with me & she asked if that was what I had made for her & I said yes & she said "BUT AUNTIE I THOUGHT THAT SHE WAS YOUR FRIEND? WHY WOULD SHE JUST DO THAT & NOT ASK YOU FIRST? I had no answer for her

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by rescuer 04 Jun 2012

I am so very sorry! That must have hurt a lot! Some people don't look at handmade gifts like we do.

by rescuer 04 Jun 2012

I still have items my friend made for me 25 years ago. Gifts from most cherished friendships are used and treasured.
You need friends who will treasure and cherish your work!

by lflanders 04 Jun 2012

I would not worry a bit about it! What she did, the way she handled it, just shows that she has not been taught anything about "social graces"! In other words, she has not been taught how to treat such special items or friends and neighbors. I do not think I would go out of my way to spend my time and effort to do anything else for her. I might fix some candy and take it to her at Christmas but other than that, I would not waste your talent on her.

by lflanders 04 Jun 2012

think I would go out of my wayy to make her anything else. Maybe at Christmas, fix some candy and take it over. That is not something she would sale especially during the holidays! Smile and be friendly but don't waste your time on something that you have to spend alot of time on.

by pldc 04 Jun 2012

you that sounds exactly the right thing to "buy" candy! & I too have gifts given to me that I still have even after 25-30 yrs

Love Angel's answer and hey Vicki - I LOVE BLUE! Hint, hint! - he he he! Love Chris

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by rescuer 04 Jun 2012

I LOVE blue too. I don't have a blue room in my house right now, but I am willing to change. ;)

by pldc 04 Jun 2012

ah you guys are stars LOL Loralye

I would feel like saying,"I heard that". But would probably just ingore it and never give her anything again.

"I don't know why she ever gave me that I don't have any blue anymore" think I would feel hurt also, but then again I am a very sensitive person.
Definiately say what anangel said, this way it is not offensive and will put her at ease also..
Let us know how things go next time...

I think she thinks enough of your feeling to make sure its out when you come, and had no intention of hurting your feelings by you hearing that comment she made in possible frustration, either at the unexpectedness of your arrival and/or possibly a bad day. If for some reason she feels she must have it out whenever you come to visit she may resent it and that may be where the comment came from. She may have something else she wants to put out but doesn't because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

If it really bothers you, let some time pass, than ask her about the table runner and what she likes and doesn't like about it. You might find she's not a table runner type person at all and only puts it out to keep from hurting your feelings. That being the case you can both have a good laugh about it.

If you say something to her about overhearing the comment you will only embarrass her and possibly put her on the defensive, which I don't think you want to do either. If she had intentions of hurting your feeling she would have said something rude about it to your face. Woman can be catty that way, or at least thats been my experience with some, lol! I would just shrug it off as they are having a bad day or week.

I might say something the next time I showed up like "oh you STILL have that blue table runner (or old thing depending on how you feel about it)" after taking a good look around at her decor and suggest something like I should really make you one that matches the (insert COLOR) color of this room or that would be seasonal, like patriotic for the summer or Autumn or Chirstmas (for your birthday or Chirstmas or something). Or ask her if she has any other table runners (this would let her know its okay to dispaly other table runners and it gives you the opportunity to she her tastes in table runners too.
If she has something different to put out and realizes you don't mind not seeing the one you gave her everytime you show up she might not think so much about it. Who knows. I have several that I change around with the seasons. I also had two made for me from friends when my hubby and I got married. One is in the front enterance on a table that is by the door. the other is in the motor home and sets on the ledge behind the sofa. Than last summer I had a friend who was stuggling financially and I bought a Welcome wall hanging that is on the wall by the door. She has been here several times and sees that I hang her's in the spring months and I hang holiday things during the other months. She's send it come down for Memorial day through labor day to be replaced my the patriotic spirit hangings, Than Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines day, Easter etc. Each holiday has a different wall hanging. And the same goes for the table runners.
I think she was more worried about hurting your feeling by not having it out when you came, than wanting to hurt your feeling by a comment you unexpectedly overheard by accident.

I would say hayyyyyyyyy i just heard you yell what was that all about???lol hugs but thats me:);)

1 comment

by cfidl 03 Jun 2012

Love it!

Maybe she just wanted you to know that she has the runner and is using it, even though it might not match her present colour scheme? Hope that this didn't stop a nice friendship. Sometimes things can be said in haste that is hurtful, or not meant for us to hear, as well as not meant to be an insult. Hope you will still be friends.***

I like Angel's answer. She obviously didn't want to hurt your feeling's by you not seeing the table runner, but realisticly - does everyone always use the same one? I like a variety of colors and I have tablecloths that I switch around. Sometimes we put things away for a bit and then bring it back out again - it doesn't mean we don't like it.
I think that she was showing "friendship" her way - and you could take the lead about her current decor.

She did make the effort to put it out when you were coming. It was unfortunate to hear what she said, but if we cannot speak in our own homes?.. Chalk it up to tastes that change, and go on. Life is too short and we have to pick our battles.
Jo

When it comes to "true" friendship, I believe in being able to speak honestly to one another. I most likely would have said, "Please do not feel the need to continue displaying the table runner I gave you, if you feel it no longer matches your current decor. You may want to pass it on to someone else to enjoy now!" The pleasure derived from giving, is the main reason for giving a gift. And, of course, we want the recipient of our gift to truly appreciate it and like it, too. However, someone may well appreciate our kindness in giving, but doesn't necessarily "like" the gift. She may have liked it at the time, but no longer wants to use it to decorate. She, on the other hand, was kind in wanting you to not be unhappy that she did not have it on display! Make allowances and understand from her view. Friends understand, and life goes on. She may have been a friend for only 2 years, but many years from now, she may be your only TRUE friend!!
Hugs,
Angel

7 comments

by meganne 03 Jun 2012

Your answer is tops Angel, I could not have said it better Angel and I totally agree with what you have said.
Hugs n roses, Meganne

by awesome1 03 Jun 2012

wish I could give you more flowers for that answer--it is 'spot on'!!!

by debleerl 03 Jun 2012

What a wonderful answer!

by hightechgrammy 03 Jun 2012

A very wise answer from a lady who has lived through lots of real life experiences! Love you, Angel! Jan

by kazza 03 Jun 2012

Wow that's an award winning answer, you ought to work for the Australian Government as a diplomat!

by toolips 04 Jun 2012

too right

by pinon 04 Jun 2012

My sentiments exactly, but you said it so much better than I ever would. Awesome reply!

"Honesty is the best policy" I was raised with that quote. Being honest in this situation might make or break the friendship but my best friends are the ones who will tell me the truth.
I say tell her the truth. Tell her you thught she would like blue because she wears it often and didn't realize she wouldn't like blue in her home as well.
If you are interested in making a new one for her, take her shopping and have her pick out the fabric. Then you can be sure she will like the colors and she will know how much fabric costs. Plus, you will spend time with her "showing" her your hobby. If you are not interested then ask if she knows someone who has blue in their house. Or since it is nearly unused, someone may want to buy it from you or you could gift it and some matching items to a newly divorced or widowed woman. I am sure someone with a broken heart would cherish a gift made with so much love.
I would be sad that I spent time on something for a friend that doesn't apprectiate it. If you don't tell her, it will be a thorn in your relationship.

Usually I ask questions if I want to make something special for friend. Like color or theme etc. Perhaps you thought since she wore blue that was her color. I love all colors but I am interesting lol that way. However some are more preferred for my house interrior. Maybe she likes different colors other than blue within her home.

I'm a bit sad that your work didn't end up with someone who'd appreciate it a bit more. If you had a common friend to both of you, who you know does have blue in her house and would appreciate it more, you may be able to find a way to suggest a re-gifting, without letting on that you heard her comment. Good luck!

Friendship isn't easy sometimes. What to do depends on what kind of friendship it is. Do you like her a lot or a little, is it a close friendship or not. Are you really hurt by that remark? Maybe you can tell her that you overheard what she said because of the open windows, and don't mind if she tells you when she doesn't like the color of an item you have made for her. The fact that she wears blue every day doesn't mean that she wants other things in her house to be blue. For example, I like pink but I don't dress in pink and my house is not pink, nor I have any pink doilies... I do have pink flowers but other colors as well :)
Hugs, Lidia

and you call her a friend??? Hmmm - i would ignore it and not make her anything else- until she asks ;)

You could say that you are making new table runners for friends.Wondered if she had a favourite or new colour she would like done.Maybe she will realize that you overheard her remark about the blue one.

While doing some beautiful emb for a friend one day I overheard her telling her mom that I have no colour sense. That threw me back a bit and I asked her what she meant. She told me she just wanted to keep her mother from feeling inferior to my work, people can be ugly at times, learned to not take everything to heart... however, I am still working on that one, hugs S*