Well, it's been over 2 months since John passed away and I am still in and out of grief. Since my parents have to take me for radiation treatments every day again I am only totally alone on the weekends and I kind of prefer it that way, I enjoy being alone, just me and the grand-kitty. After a year of asking her to come lay in bed with grandma she came in a little over a week ago and now lays on the foot of my bed most nights and has been a comfort. From the cancer pain I am most comfortable laying in bed so I spend most of my time laying in there watching TV. My brother came and arranged the TV to a better spot (so far I think...sore neck right now) I hope I will feel better there. I need to get one of those cooling pillows, I wake with wet hair and tee shirt most mornings. Most things that had to be done have been. The insurance company came through and now I am making a will for me and then I plan to make arrangements at the funeral home for me so my kids don't have to do that when my time comes. I have given them some keepsakes and gave them some cash from the insurance that they did not want to take but I told them their Dad would have wanted them to have some, probably more than I gave them. I am hoping that if I survive long enough I want to try and sell the house this summer partially furnished and rent a place closer to my parents so they don't have to drive so far to get to me. Just a 2 bedroom place with a little patio with all on one floor since I can't go up or down steps and laundry is a must! Well, I don't think there is anything other than that. Please keep praying that my pain and the cancer go away. Hugs to you all!

Debra,
I am so sorry you have had so much to contend with...I Pray you will have relief from all your pain...physical and mental. Sending hugs.

1 comment

by leenova54 14 Apr 2013

Thank you, from your lips to God's ears!

Debra,Prayers & Hugs.I admire your strength.

1 comment

by leenova54 14 Apr 2013

Thank you, some days it feels like it is too much to bare but I get that day behind me and push on for the next. They originally told me 12 to 18 months, I think it is 18 months this month, I showed them!

It is really good to hear from you. I am very sorry about your husband. I know it is hard to go on with out him. My daughter chose to give up and isn't having any more treatments. The sarcoma that is growing in her chest around her lungs and breathing is very difficult. She is now having a hard time lifting her arms so the growth is affecting her muscles in her arms. She is on oxygen all the time. It is like an alien invaded her chest and is growing fast. It is just a matter of time.
God bless and hang in there I am very proud of you I know it must be very difficult. Hugs Dean :)

3 comments

by jrob 27 Mar 2013

Oh, Dean, I am so sorry to hear this. Please know that I will pray for her and an easy passing, if that is what she has determined that is the best way for her. I will pray for her family and especially you, dear Dean as we are not naturally supposed to outlive our children and I don't know how I would bear this. Only by grace. Love and hugs to you.

by mumzyfarm 28 Mar 2013

Thank you so much. I wanted so badly to take her place but I can't god hasn't seen it that way so I have to go on the best way I can. Hugs dean I have cried my self dry

by leenova54 14 Apr 2013

Last night my Mom said she wishes my family could each take just a little of the pain from me so it would be easier on everyone but they can't.

Praying that you will be comforted and your pain will be lessened.

Oh my dear I have been wondering how you were - so happy to see you posted and then responded as well. We will continue to pray for you and hope that you can get the smaller place close to your folks and renting out your place will also bring you in some income - I think about you every day and pray that you are relieved of your pain and the cancer.

1 comment

by leenova54 26 Mar 2013

Think of you too, hope you do well on your own and have loving people to help you.

So good to hear from you. You are in my prayers and thoughts. Your parents are angels in disguise. This must be so hard for them. You are so blessed to have them even though they may smother you at times. I've been an orphan for so long. What I wouldn't give for a little smothering. Hugs

2 comments

by rescuer 25 Mar 2013

I am sorry you are an orphan. I would adopt you, if I could.

by leenova54 26 Mar 2013

I agree, so sorry. Hope you have people in your life who comfort you when you need it.

Love, prayers and hugs to you, dear Debra.
Lidia

I wish I could thank each and every one of you personally but I can't. I am in and out of pain, mostly in. My brother came back today and rearranged the bedroom to put the TV back where it was, my neck was bad. I ordered on ebay a cooling pillow, same one as the link pennifold (Chris) gave me but on ebay it was only $40 including shipping for the US. We are having Easter dinner at our parents' house and agreed on how long (short) of a time we will spend there. They are trying so hard to be helpful since I got cancer that they are smothering us, how sad is that for grown children? Now I understand why my boys don't come see me as often as they should, lol.
Manani, your English is fine, I understand every word.
Capoodle, Assisted living apartments here are not in the best of neighborhoods and some take your house and every penny they can get from you.
Meganne, you always have the right words and understand what I am going through.
To each and every one of you, thank you for being here, I think of you every day when I look at all my FSL angels from last year that hang around a large mirror in my living room and when I look at my quilt and know that there are so many of you praying for me and wanting nothing back but a post letting you know how I am doing. Hugs to you all, Deb

2 comments

by capoodle 25 Mar 2013

I've heard of that kind of housing. My mom was in a senior housing apartment that offered minimal assistant if needed nothing like what you described in your area. They offered lunch and dinner in the dinning room if you wanted it or you could cook in your own kitchen. Even had cleaning once a week to clean the apartment and do laundry. Wish there were more of these around. I do hope you find something that can work for you. Hugs.

by shirlener88 25 Mar 2013

So happy to hear that you get joy for the angels and the quilt.

You are always in my prayers, I do admire you so much, I whish I could have a little bit of your strength, The loss of a husband is really hard, I am in my 22 month still grieving still in a fog still in a rollercoaster ride, and I am perfectly healthy, may God send you the power and comfort for the whole family. There is site When your Husband has died, Survival Guide for Widows, the ladies here share a common thread the loss of our DHs this site and cute site has help tremendously. God bless you.

Debra, I am still praying for you, and and YOU are still my heroine of life and all that's inspirational. You continue to amaze me with your drive and determination! Keep it up, and each moment of each day, know you are loved, and wished the Lord's greatest blessings for strength, health, free from pain, and complete recovery!
Hugs to YOU!
Angel

Deb, My thoughts and prayers are with you. Thank you for the update. May God provide you with comfort and may he place his healing hand on you. Hugs and Love, Mary

I admire your positivity and your strength, prayers, hugs and love for you :)

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God bless you and I hope that he will smile upon you and grant you your wish.
Will pray for you.

You sound like you are handling things ok. Just don't make any decisions on feelings alone without considering all the ramifications thru. God bless you and your loving family.

All my love and hugs to you.

So nice hearing from you and so glad that everything is going pretty well. You are always in our prayers and we keep hoping things will continue to improve.

Sending up prayers for God to help you through all that life is putting you through.

Debra, my love and hugs to you..

Dear Debra,
Sorry to hear about your husband. May he rest in peace. I often think about you , and look for your posts. Cancer is tough, but you are tougher. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are not alone. We are here to comfort you. It must be hard on your parents to drive you every day. Some churches have volunteers to drive people to the hospital for chemo. You might want to look into it. My best wishes to you. Hugs and blessings. Rachel

xx from Vicki

Dear Debra, I am praying for you, and will continue to do so! I know that our Lord will care and for and keep you in His hands, and I pray too that you are pain free and cancer free!!! I am holding you up to Jesus as I write this! Hugs across the fiber optic cables!!!!!!!

I SIT HERE CRYING FOR YOU DEB.I DID NOT KNOW YOUR HUSBAND DIED.I AM SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS..I HAVE BEEN FEELINGING SORRY FOR MY SELF .I HAVE NOT BEEN WELL BUT MY GOD YOU SURE HAVE HAD IT TOUGH.I WILL KEEP YOU IN MY PRAYERS THAT DOG WILL LIFT YOU UP AND YOUR QUALITEY OF FILE IS MUCH BETTER.....GOD BLESS YOU.....LUCY

Dear Debra,
I am not good at words, specially in English, but I admire your strength and your positive thoughts of all your situation. You are an inspiration for all of us. I continue to pray for you always. Love and hugs, Yoriko

Dear Debra,

I thank God every day that He is doing such marvellous things in your life. I pray for you every night before I retire to bed along with a couple of other dear Cuties on here. I'm thrilled to read that the cat is now lying on the foot of your bed, our animals are such a comfort in times of need. And how wonderful that you are searching for a place closer to your parents, what would we do without them?

I am in awe of your great strength of spirit and am thrilled to see that you are getting yourself organised for your funeral. I think it's something we should all do, saves a lot of grief in the long term.

Lord, you have heard the prayers of the faithful, ensure that Debra is free of pain, both physical and emotional. Grant to her healing in body, mind and spirit, in Jesus' name we ask these things. Love and blessings Chris

P.S. Deb, I use this pillow - it's about $100.00 Australian and worth every dollar. We have high humidity here in Newcastle from January right through till nearly April!! I bought this through a magazine called Innovations, it sells lots of things!!!!

Debra, Recovering from the loss of a husband, especially in the midst of other losses, is a long term process. Give yourself time! Each day gets a bit better, or at least each week.

There is a great product for you for the sweats that I use in gardening. The Neck Buddy by Green Mountain Company, Inc. Seems like it was about $10 or $20 and you want two, one to be cooling and one to be wearing. You won't believe! I can work in 90 degree heat for a long time in this thing. Google it. Hope this little tip helps. I will pray for you about the rest.

Thinking of you...

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Mar 23, 2013 - Thank you for the update - we've all been thinking about you. I know this is a really had time, but you are stronger than you think and the Lord is there too.

You will always be in my prayers....

Debra, you are continuing to be in our prayers. I'm glad you have family in the same town with you. Hang on, God's not finished with you. He still has something for you to do. Love ya!

Glad to hear from you. It is so nice when you check in even though all is going wrong in your life. . Prayers will continue for you. Grieve as long as it takes you ..There is no set time to do so. So glad the family is taking care of you. I think you have a lot of wonderful ideas. Our thoughts are always with you. take care... We are here for you. Suzanne

So glad to hear from you. It is sweet that the cat is there to keep you company and it don't require too much care. We have some of those travel pillows that help when we want to lay down and watch TV. They are not cooling ones but sure helps avoid the stiff neck. Don't know if your insurance would cover the cost of an assistant living apartment. The staff would check in on you and bring your meals and you would still have your own space.

Debra, you are so sweet to think of us even when you are in so much pain and still have so much to do. It must be hard to make final arrangements for yourself - something we sure don't do everyday - :-)
Perhaps with John passing so soon, that helped you know how much that would help your family. Be sure to tell them your favorite hymns too. You are such an incredible example of strength for us all. Thank you, Dear Lord, for blessing our lives with Debra. Please give her comfort and strength and hope for the future. And lots of cool pillows to help keep her comfortable. We love you, Debra Hugs, Jan

I am so sad about all that is going on in your life right now, and you are in my Prayers, but it is hard to keep my mind on the things I want it to be on, as it keeps drifting around. It has been 9 days since my DH's accident that sent him to Heaven, I am still in a daze, and can't concentrate on much at a time. I find watching my embroidery machine work its magic, helps keep me calmer. Of course having broken needles with my Hus/Viking, keeps me alert. Haha! While my Brother just does its wonderful work. We had planned on getting me another Brother because of having sooo much trouble with the Hus, but didn't get it before he went, so I am probably stuck for quite a while. But God is good and I know He is with me day after day. Thanx for letting me go on, I wish we were close enough to HUGG!!! Loves & Prayers, Judy

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Dear Deb, Thanks for dropping by. Even we live far apart, You cross my mind regullary and I always hope for you the best. Life is never easy. Lucky your family can help you. God will give you the best He can, and we are there also in case you need anything. Hugs Linda

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Thanks so much for keeping us updated & I pray for you every night. Arlene

Thank you for posting Debra. I think of you often, and admire your bravery and spirit of life. Prayers and blessings, christine

Dear Debra, I have been thnking about you and I am pleased that you seem to be coping. I hope your home sells soonest and that you find the right place for you. May God's love and comfort surround you. Love and blessings.****

Debra - God will wipe away all your tears! Be strong and courteous, God is with you through it all. Lord move mightily in her body and life. Keep her spirits lifted and her hope strong. Father God, there is nothing too hard for you to do. You are a creator and a Resurrector. Lord go into the blood line, cells, tissues, bones, organs, etc of Debra body and perform a miracle. Lord I ask that you surround her with encouragement and love in her time of need. We be so careful to give your name the praise. Lord I ask that you bind up any and everything that comes against Debra and her family. Whatever is crooked you will make straight and uproot everything that does your purpose no good! In Jesus Name I count ALL your good things done. Amen!

2 comments

by hightechgrammy 23 Mar 2013

How beautiful

by barba 23 Mar 2013

Amen

Beautiful

Debra
"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24. You take the request by faith that God freely gives.
You are on the list I pray from every day, for healing, for no pain, for a miracle. Love you.

Dear Debra - thank you for posting what is going on in your life. You really are amazing - I think about you so much. Wishing you much luck in finding your place nearer your parents. Sending you much love Sarah.

Thank you for posting to let us know how you are doing. I think about you everyday. It must be so hard to have lost your husband at such a difficult time in your life. I hope this treatment brings some relief to you. Cathy

Dear Debra:
You remain in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you will have better days ahead.
Hugs and blessings Jerri

Dear Debra
You are in my prayers everynight and in my thoughts always.
Big hugs (more than one) out to you
Michelle

(((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Angie

please remember that you are not in this chapter of your life we are here 24/7 if you need any of us, Hugs Loralye

My prayers are with you for comfort and miracles. Hugs, Barba

So nice to hear from u Deb may our God be with u hugs as always Carolyn

Debra thanks for the update. I think about you a lot and wonder how life is for you. Life without John will be full of ups and downs and will remain that way with your emotions. It is good to hear your parents are so helpful and supporting to you and that your brother has moved your TV to aid your viewing. Take care and positive thoughts continue from this bit of the world from me

Oh dear Debra, I wish I could take away the 'other' pain for you. You are never far from my thoughts and always in my prayers. Miracles do happen and I shall go on praying for a miracle.
You are one strong lady and an inspiration to everyone who knows you.
hugs and blessings dear friend, Meg