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8228There are some wonderful posts here and I am teary eyed just reading them. As Chris (pennifold) has mentioned, I have also been told that our children are on loan to us. Through my life I have had friends with adopted children and I have always thought these children are so very special. Sewmom, your daughter is lucky to have such a wonderful, caring mom. Hugs Sarah.
by sewmom
15 Nov 2013
I'm not going to handle empty nest well. I miss them so much when they are gone.
253107Heart-wrenching!! Yes, but how much more must it be for the children.
Our second son, and fifth child, is Vietnamese, born during the bombing of Saigon at the end of the Vietnam war and found by aid workers, and we have no idea who his parents are. He was in his teens when his inner pain surfaced and he asked me what I'd do if he found his parents. I told him that I'd always go with wherever his heart led him, either to know them and remain with us or to go and be part of their family..... in any event he would always be our son, we would always love him unconditionally and his parents would always be welcome guests in our home. While in university, he won a scholarship to visit Vietnam and make a documentary. He took time to try to begin hunting for his parents but he soon realised for himself that without any information at all about his birth he would never find his birth-mother. Can you imagine the mental let-down and the consequent strength needed to overcome that awful knowledge!
I have always had the philosophy that our children, birth or adopted, are only lent to us to raise and love to the best of our ability. Dominic, now 38, is a wonderful man and without any doubt he is still our son.
No, I don't think I have ever had the kind of dream you experienced but, Yes, many times I have had that awful gut-wrenching feeling that one day he could be taken from my arms and returned to the person who carried him first beneath her heart.
If she lived through that awful bombing she remained a mother with empty arms, but if not then my job as the guardian of her baby was to love him as she would have loved him.
AlmaG.
by sewmom
14 Nov 2013
Your story brings tears to my eyes not only for your son's journey but for yours too. You must feel much joy for the wonderful life you have been able to give your children.
17214I have three adopted children who are now 30, 29 and 26. My youngest is the only one who has not contacted her birthparents. The other two have. It was a difficult time, mainly for the children, but it has only changed our relationship for the better.
by sewmom
14 Nov 2013
That has to be a difficult experience. Since my daughter's birth parents were relatives of ours she always knew who they were.
57492I think most adoptive parents are afraid of something with their children,, usually it is the fear of biological mother/father showing up. Some kids are curious, but the thing is these kids KNOW who their parents are....the parents who raised them, who have loved them since forever. Relax Mom, she is yours.
by sewmom
10 Nov 2013
Thank you sewdoctor. When she was about 5 she was mad and said she wanted to go back to her birth mom. I wasn't prepared for that at 5, I was expecting it around 15. But it was actually easier at 5 so I guess I got lucky. Since then she has visited her birth mom a few times and she knows now how lucky she was to be adopted by us.
We call her "the chosen one". We have 3 biological children but we "chose" to make her part of our family too. She likes that nick name.
by sewdoctor
15 Nov 2013
I just now found this....One of my nephews (I can't remember which one) is adopted....My sister worried for years, when he became an adult, she asked him, if he wanted to know,,,,he said no, I know who my parents are.
It was the same with my son, who my husband adopted, my son, after I asked him if he wanted me to find my first husband, his father,,,,he said, NO and don't ask me again, I have a father!
40382Bless your heart. I used to have horrible dreams about my son being injured, lost, stolen, etc. Never about my daughter and I don't know if it was because he was so much more adventurous or why? It's a terrible feeling, but didn't it cause you to touch her, hug her and tell her you love her? Maybe it's a reminder about that part of your heart and that it needs a little extra taking care of.
by sewmom
10 Nov 2013
You're right, as soon as I saw her this morning I gave her a big hug and held tight! She knows she is loved.
158553I do not think you have any worries you are a sweet loving person and she knows that ..don't you worry she is old enough to know where she belongs.
Lenamae
32767I remember one wise woman from my church saying to me years ago that our children are only on loan to us! I always thought that strange until they have all gone their own way. We gave them all the same amount of love and let them stretch their wings and fly. All we can do is pray that they know that we will always be there for them whenever they need us. You have given your daughter everything a parent can give and I know from experience that you will never 'lose' her. Be assured that love binds everything together. Love and blessings to you, Chris
234255I have to think that your nightmare could be driven by the fact that your little girl is coming of age and will be striking out her own life path. Although I have not personally met you, I believe that you and your husband have given her all the love, strength and grace that she will need as she steps forth...and that she will never be alone even after she does. You will always be her Mom, friend, confidant and cheerleader. When she chooses her husband, feel confident that she will know that her choice will be your choice as you support her and trust her judgement. After all, that is the way you have raised her...to be strong, independent, loving and kind. As each one of your children marries, you will surely be gaining the love and respect of their spouses and will hold and treat that bond to be as precious as you do with all of your children...Be blessed that you have children to love and that love you...
by sewmom
10 Nov 2013
Thank you dragonflyer. I agree. My husband and I both feel we have done the best we can raising our children and we hope that will show in the lives that they lead.
314166I am an adopted child. I can assure you that you are her parents and always will be. She will soon be going on to being an adult, but she will always be your daughter. And when she marries, you will gain a 5th child, her husband. And you will still be her mom.
168915hope you feel better now, loosing her to a husband or friend doesn't have to be loosing. She will keep loving and appreciating you, perhaps you get a new kind of adopted child : her partner in future.
740360Hugs!
One of the greatest fears of a parent is losing a child. Make sure she knows you love her each day. As long as you do that, she will always be a part of your life -- even when she goes out on her own. In any case, I hope you will be blessed with peace.
by sewmom
10 Nov 2013
Thank you. She definitely knows she is loved and, in turn, she shows me love every day!
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