Not about embroidery, just out of curiosity how many of you cuties out there have grown children living with you. My daughter's daughter is still living at home at the age of 24, only working part time, and spends any money she makes on herself... she also does not do any chores, like cleaning up after her dogs, dishes, etc... my daughter is at her wits end with her... I just want to know if this is a common thing in this economy or is she the only one?????

I’m thinking it’s a new trend. We baby our children well beyond their good. My son is 26 about to be 27 and is finally out on his own. We had a big blowout when he turned 18 and thought he was a man. He moved out and after hitting bottom rather quickly he had to come back home. Then a bit later he decided to move out again, in anger. This time he hit bottom really hard but didn’t tell us. We learned by getting a tow notice to the last known address. His car broke down and he couldn’t get it fixed. We bailed out the car, got it fixed and made him move back home.
We don’t have any family locally so if something needs to be done there are only us three to do it. Hubby taught him to change his own oil. We’ve always expected him to keep up the yard and cook at least once a week. My sister says that we are too hard on him. Why do we think it’s being hard on a person to teach them to be self reliant? Now that he is on his own, he knows he can call me or my hubby to help him as we know we can call him. The third time was defiantly the charm with him. I'm so glad he has appeared to grow up.

Oh seems that I was the opposite: My dad died when I was 14 and my mother and I had never a good relationship. My sister is 5 years older and she moved out at the time my dad died with 19. My mother bought a new flat some miles away when I was 17 and I stayed in our old family-flat.
For me it was never an option to live together with my mom when I'm not forced to do that. So for me it always was a sign of a good relation when children stayed at home but this is maybe just my "romatic view" on something forced by economic reasons ;o)
Why don't handle it like a flat-share? Make a plan for cooking, cleaning...
A community never should be one-way.
Greetings, Bettina

No, she is not the only one. My oldest is living with us with her two of her three kids. The oldest g-daughter moved out last year. The two g-kids are 12 & 7. They have been with us for several years. She also does not work, but has been filling in at the school kitchen part time the last couple of months, but school is almost over. I do it mainly for my g-kids. Yes, my daughter helps with the food and does some of the cooking and occasional cleaning.

on of my sons is in his 30s and is still at home. He works, but is really sick alot. he gives me 40.00 a week. Buy some of his food but not all.
doesn.t help with house work or any of the outside yard work. I have tried to get him to do better.
but dh just let him go. It is hard with him here, but what is one to do ,when they won't go and hubby lets him do as he wants.

I feel for your daughter. It is very hard to say enough is enough. I have found that it does not work. My children left home early but have occasionally come back to live with us. It always ended up in tears. (mainly from me) We have our rules and expect the children to stick to them, they have had their freedom and are not willing to stick to our rules. The result Quarrels. I am now so far that I say: NO the most difficult word to learn to say to your children. BUt they know now their is a limit and we get on much netter.

My husbands'brother is still living at their parents. That means; they live in a nice chalet and rent an appartement ('cos it is not official allowed to live permanent in a chalet in Belgium, so they needed an official place). His brother lives in it, they pay the rent, water, heating,.. As long as I know my husband, his brother is just too lasy to work. (he always says that the bosses don't like him; I repeat I would react the same if he didn't show up on time, or "got sick" all the time. His parents say he can't help it that they don't like him or that he's sick. A while he even used their second car + assurance ! -he had to go to work, isn't it ? -which work ? he doesn't have one- (.. Untill he crashed it in an car accident.)
He has no money, so he get it from his mother. Can't really keep money also.. Spent it very quickly. I once said that this is no got education; and what will happen it they are not around anymore..response; "you have a big house".. Yeah right ! I don't mind helping people, but only if it is not their fault. If -we have the expression : "live like God in France"- he likes to live without doing anything.. I will not help him.
Last week my mother-in-law phoned us if we could borrow him money...To pay for his mobilephone.. Yeah right. This is luxury for me... I didn't do it...Borrowing.. when will he pay the money back? He has no money. He is 42 years old now and had not even a proper job for more than 3 months as long as I know my husband...some people can have it all I guess.. Wonder want will happen in the future..

Both, Mother and Daughter should watch the programm,
Nanny 911. It will teach them how to behave.

Its okay to help but she needs to do her share. Tough Love

Yes, the problem is not that she is sharing her mother's home, the problem is her mother is allowing her to take advantage of her and act like a child.

Using tough love with ones grown children is most difficult, but so necessary! We enable them to remain immature and irresponsible to not insist they support themselves financially and physically. Keeping a household clean and operating efficiently means everyone living there doing their fair share of costs and chores, with no excuses as to the economy or otherwise!
Hugs,
Angel

I personally lived with my parents until I was 26, but from a very young age we were taught to do chores for our pocket money. When I started working and studying at 17 I contributed financially to the household and I still did chores (perhaps more advanced as when I was a kid - cooking etc). We functioned as a family and my parents were very upset when I moved out and I purely did because I could afford my own place which were not far from where they lived. Today I teach my kids the same values and hope to keep them as long as possible in our home.

1 comment

by babie 02 May 2012

I should have added - your daughter should not accept her daughter to misuse her. She should insist that she brings her side - apply a bit of tough love. (No more special foods, perhaps even dish up in a dirty plate)

I think most of us know someone in the same situation :) I am sure the economy is part of the problem, but I would, if I was forced to live off a family member, make sure that I 'paid' my dues by doing work around the home. Your daughter should perhaps request/ask/demand that her daughter do jobs around her home in lieu of rent:)

1 comment

by nannynorfolk 02 May 2012

agree terri :)

well, my unemployed brother-in-law, age 57!!! is living at home with his 77 year old mother, who pays all his bills and gives him spending money like a child. He is college-educated, but has "problems" It's driving us all crazy. My heart goes out to your daughter.