even sit in my living room and watch TV tonight. She went off on Me cause I was trying to watch TV . I finally got up and told her I was trying to watch TV and I was not going to argue. At times I honestly think she knows exactly what she is doing. I have been married to her son for 30 yrs this year. She has always been jealous of me. I took her baby boy from her. He was 30 when we got married. Please say a prayer for me. She will go to the nursing home next week but is unaware of it. I do all I can to make her healthy, clean and happy.

Thanks so much for my cute friends and family your words of comfort and understanding mean more to me than you will ever know. I have had classes on Alzheimer and Dementia but you know till you been there and lived with it's totally different. And hard to know when she is faking or for real. She has always had a way of getting people to do exactly what she wanted and always had a problem with the truth. So now it may open up a new view of what I am facing. But your words of wisdom and encouragement mean more to me that you could ever know. Thanks again. I would give each one 10 or more flowers if I could, sorry I can only give one with much love. Sara

Keeping you and your family in my prayers through this rough time.

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i too have been there with my sister stricken at the age of 48 terrible time we were luck she did not get violent but nothing prepares you for that vacant look in their eyes i am convinced they get the information into the brain but cant get the answers out keep strong .............soozie

I understand what you are going thru. My mother lives with me and the things that she does to me makes you wonder. You are lucky that you will be able to soon put her in a home because you will lose your health if not. I love my mother despite what she does but sometimes wonder if I will die first from the stress. My hugs and prayers for you. What does not kill us makes use stronger.

OH! My dear, I know what it is this. My mother this in this situation. I am going to pray for you.

My prayers are with you-this must be very hard. Hopefully the week will pass without any more episodes and you can get back to living normal.

My thoughts and prayer are with you and your husband. Hugs, Judy

Sara, as you have read, many of us have been where you are now. My own sweet mother was striken with this terrible disease. Alzheimer's steels a person's reasoning, and their dignity. My mother and daddy decided that they were not to tell us children, as we had our own homes and family to deal with. Daddy was Mother's sole care giver, but there came a time that she became violent and aggressive. And this was from a woman who most times was very gentle. Daddy made a pact with Mother that he would never leave her. And until the day before he died he was always at her side. He cared for her, and kept his promise to her as long as he could. At one time Mother was very violent and we had to let my daddy know that we children knew about the Alzheimer's. From that time forward, he still would tell us that taking care of Mother was his job. As a family, we decided that we would have all medication taken from her, and belive it or not, she actually got some better. The violence was gone, but not much longer she no longr communicated. Mother and Daddy were married for 76 years before death separated them. Mother had been diagnosed with the disease for nearly 15 years. I think that is a testiment to the wonderful loving care my daddy gave her. I lost my mother 9 months after my daddy died, but there is not a day I don't miss them both. My mother did not know who I was the last few years of her life, but she always had a sweet smile for us. I will pray for you, and know that the nursing home could be the best thing for all concerned in your situation. There, she will receive the care that she needs. Special hugs to you.

May God give you the strength to deal with your MIL and I hope the transition to the nursing home goes alright.....I admire that you have been able to deal with this since January, but I know it has not been easy.....Gods blessings to you all

God be with you the next week, Sara. You are a jewel for taking care of her as long as you could and I will be praying for you. Hugs.;)
PS I will not pray for patience for you, cause I don't want to test the Big Man to see HOW much you do have. haha

It is so difficult to deal with irrational family memebers when they are sick. I had a tough time with my father. We put him in an assisted living facility that dealt with alzheimers people. It was a secure facility structured activities for them etc.. it was cheaper than a nursing home. Try looking into that. The thing to remember is it is not them but the disease. Try to keep your patience I know how hard it is. I will pray for you all... Suzanne

My MIL had Alzheimers and started turning against her husband, my FIL was a very nice person, she was always a witch, but one day she tryied to hurt him bad and they had to put her in a nursery home, that will be the best for her.****

Thinking of you. Just remember you are doing your best. Dementia is very difficult at the best of times. I agree with the bit I called 'selective' amnesia.

It sounds like many of us feel your pain. My MIL, who was the sweetest, gentlest lady before developing Alzheimers, became a total bear. She was mean and said the cruelest things I could imagine. Know that your Cute friends understand, and we're all here for you when you need us. May God continue to give you strength in the days ahead.
In friendship and understanding
Marion in KY

This is just one more stage that she is going through. My MIL who was the sweetest woman on earth got very mean and obstinate so we just tried to be really sweet to her. I wore out that old joke,"give me patience Lord, but hurry!" Prayers for a peaceful week for you and hope she accepts the nursing home okay.

An awful time for you I know, have been there as well as a number of other Cuties, but as Shirlene said do not argue or fight with her, we were told this by my MIL's doctors and you don't want to have bad feelings or regrets. Take one day at a time and next week will be here very quickly, then things will be in the hands of those that know how to look after her. Take care and be patient for just a few more days...hugs x0x0x0

For all of us who are faced with this it is very difficult. My mom is 93 and this pretty much sums up every day. Every thing Shirlene said is what an average or good day is. It isnt what we would want for our loved ones. and believe me they would never have wanted their last days to be this way, but, it is what it is. Just try to have conversations about things that are nonconfrontational. The weather, flowers, if you have a pet they can be a great help. Take care and know she means no harm.

My dear Sara, Please read the letter from Shirlene again, and remember this is the best. It could happened to all of us, but pray to God,and I believe he wil help you. Love Marie

I am sorry that you are having to go thru this but keep praying for he strength to get thru as none of us know when or if we will be that way someday.

Alzheimer's is a cruel disease, It is heartbreaking to see people going through it. Although you say your MIL has always been jealous, perhaps she has but I am sure she is not intentionally being this difficult. I will pray for you. A nursing home really is the right place for her to be now, it is just too difficult to manage at home with someone who is deteriorating with this terrible illness. Stay strong and take care of you.
Alice.

Just hang in there. This is exactly what happened to my wonderful aunt. Towards the end she was really spiteful to those nearest and dearest. I am sure that your MIL knows in her heart what a wonderful person you are. Stay strong. Sarah.

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This is so sad and I want to cry. Know you are in the thoughts of others and take comfort there.

Saying a prayer for you. I know it must be hard. You sound like such a good person.

Squeakyflower

wow your caught between a rock and a hard place !!God be with you hugs carolyn

Bless your heart...just a few more days, and you can relax. I'm sure if she has dementia and Alzheimer's she doesn't know what she is doing, and even if she does, ignore it. (I honestly don't understand women who are jealous of their DIL!) Don't take it personally, she is the problem, not you, you are doing all you can for her. Hopefully your husband sees that and appreciates it, even if she doesn't. I will keep you in my prayers. So sorry you have had such a time with your MIL, I had a wonderful one, and I miss her terribly.

Nannie, I will pray for you, as well as your MIL! We must remember each day that except by the grace of God, "there go I", meaning one day we may be in the same situation, wishing someone would make allowances for our shortcomings!! It is tough, but even tougher for those in need! May the Lord bless you both!
Angel

OH Sara I so empathise with you. I have only been with my darling Ray for 7 years and my MIL has lived with us for 6. She is 92 and I wish I could say I love her dearly but it is impossible.
I will PM you.

1 comment

by nanniesara 30 Jul 2011

I know what you mean. I really do. It is so hard. Don't get me wrong I have been doing everything to make her happy. And all I can do to make life easy for her. I just have to say dear Lord please help me today. She has been on Meds for several yrs for her diagnosis. There are people to give you a break, but the monies are not there for that. We are just simple people that work hard daily. Thanks Meganne.

Sara, dear one - I feel so bad for you - I know there must have been resentment all these years - just under the surface - but what she saws and does now - really isn't her - believe me - I too have been there - my dear Mother (Miss Loretta) had a few years where she was awful - to lots of the family and to her neighbors and church members - some of the stories - I just will not repeat - but when she got some good meds - that subsided some - then - she started getting lost - that was about the time - I was trying to get her moved to NC from UT - when I realized that she was getting lost in a place that she knew well - I knew that a move across the country just wasn't going to work for her - to be with us - so we had to move to UT - to be with her - this we did - I had a few years with her as her caregiver - in her apartment & me and Rick in ours - but we still had times that she thought that people were there - when they were not - saying things to her and no matter what I tried to do - she knew it happened and I realized that to her - it did - when she started doing things that would harm herself - that is when I just went to her apartment and packed a bag and moved her into a nursing home - of coarse - I actually had about a week to get it worked out - but to her - it happened in an hour - I got there - helped her with her things and off we went - she wasn't upset or anything - she accepted it - she was at the time on Hospice and was in the Hospice ward for several months - then she was taken off Hospice and just put in the Alzheimer's/Dementia Ward - there were times - when I knew she wasn't as bad off as some of the others - she thrived there - she connected with many and had a good quaility of life for the next 8 months - without that year in that Nursing Home - I am unsure how bad it might have gone - but she passed the week after Rick's stroke and I will never forget - how quick it was - I never had time to say goodbye - but I know she went to sit at the hem of the Lord - so that Rick could stay with me - I am sure she did that. I loved my Mother and miss her so very much - you may not care the same way about your MIL - but they do suffer from the same thing - it is an awful thing that happens to a great deal of them - some have some help - that make their last days better and some do not - I pray that your MIL has some quality time left - and as was suggested - for you - don't visit the 1st week - I did my Mother - because I promised I would - but you might need her to have some adjustment time - but visit when you can and if it gets bad - leave - they have staff to care for them - don't put yourself through anything that you can not endure. I will be praying that this next week goes by - without trouble - but if there is - not matter what - don't fight with her - don't leave it that way - please - for you dear one. Unconditional Love, Shirlene

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6 comments

by meganne 30 Jul 2011

Wise, wise words Shirlene. Thanks and much love, Meganne

by sewdoctor 30 Jul 2011

Bless you Shirlene

by airyfairy 31 Jul 2011

Wonderful words Shirlene. I wish I had known Cuties when my aunt was failing with the same dreadful illness.

by jrob 31 Jul 2011

Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Hugs! ;)

by asterixsew 31 Jul 2011

Thanks for this Shirlene

by dlonnahawkins 31 Jul 2011

Well said, Shirlene - and you know how I feel. This has all brought back some tears for all. Hugs to all you Cuties who have had to go through this.

Wow I had no idea so many of my cute friends had the same problem. The sad thing is that I have heard one of the best people that deals with the disease speak on several occasions. And it is easier said than done to deal with the problem. I do try to ask her nicely, like don't you think you might want to go potty before lunch or supper.(She forgets to go to the bathroom. I have to assist with bath, dressing her, prompt her to brush teeth, use mouth wash,ETC. You know it is hard to deal with because when I am home my hubby is at work and it is she & I here. She resents going to bed at 9 p.m. Which is necessary because I have to get her up before I get ready for work. She puts up more protest when my hubby is off. He works second shift. If any of you get a chance go to U Tube and look up Teepa Snow. She is awesome. I have been trying to do the things she says and believe me some times it works and at times it does not. She thinks she is still wit her daughter in Georgia. She was there for 5 yrs. Not a good situation ther either. She let her stay up till all hours and get up when she got ready. Which with medications she did not get and meals in a regular routine. he also has high B/P and diabeties. Oh well ladies I do appreciate your thought and prayers. I pray that this week passes fast and without problems.

2 comments

by justonlyme 30 Jul 2011

Did you know that there are services that come out to your house and take care of a family member to provide some respite? They are not cheap, but what is the price of sanity?? The final hours before the move are the worst, because you KNOW that you are going to do it, and you just want it done already. Those were the worst for me. When my son and I finally got the arrangements made, that is when I broke down. I just couldn't deal with it anymore. We had to hire someone to help. Now my husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimer's and so on it goes. His is progressing at an astounding rate, so I don't know if he will get real bad or not. He has had a few strokes already too. But he is very young, so no one really knows what path his illness is going to take. Hang in there. Consider a sitter if the last few hours are too bad.

by nanniesara 30 Jul 2011

There are services for that but unfortuantely we do not have the monies for that. I work part time and we pay a very nice lady, she too is a cute to come and stay. She is very good with MIL but we pay out almost what I make. So getting someone else is not in the Checkbok. I work right now for my sanity. I am trying to find a full time job and hope it will come before much longer.

It is so sad. I watched a dear friend of mine going down the road of Alzheimer's. A once so intelligent person reduced to chasing imaginary things on the table. Every time I can't remember a name or searching for a word I wonder....... Hang in there. I can imagine how difficult it must be.

Oh, seriously this feels like I'm reading my own life story!! I cannot tell you how much I relate to your current situation. I finally couldn't take it any more and moved my mother in law in to an adult family home just a few weeks ago. We couldn't find a nursing home that would take her, because she had psychotic dementia, and was too mean. Now I just cannot bring myself to go visit her. She is doing well, and the home reports to me from time to time. But I think our whole family is suffering PTSD as a result of her presence in our lives.
Once you take her to the nursing home, give her a while to adapt before going to visit her. DO NOT allow yourself to feel guilty with this decision. It is best for her and for you. It will feel quiet and empty for a while once you move her, but then you will start remembering what life was like before she moved in with you. Be sure to instruct the nursing home to NOT call you at all hours of the day and night unless it is a true emergency. And limit phone calls from MIL to once per day. It will be incredibly liberating if you let it. Then you will ALL be happier. My MIL sure has been much happier since we moved her. Hang in there, and know that the decision to move her is for her good as well as yours.

Very difficult to deal with and next week is probably not coming fast enough for you. Since it is only for a few more days try to avoid being around her for any length of time. Prayers coming your way.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. God can help in this situation, and I'm glad that you will have relief by the nursing home care.
Hugs,
Jacqueline

I am so sorry you are having to go through this. My mom just succumbed to Alzheimer's on April 27th this year. She had been in a nursing home for 6 and a half years. Let me tell you it is not you, or your MIL, but the disease that causes them to do things like this. I think it was so hard for us 3 children to keep our mouths closed and just nod our heads when she first started doing things like this. Sometimes we just had to walk out of the house and let her go, as she would always love to get into an argument over the least of things. If a second or two can pass, they don't even remember it ever happened but WE SURE DO and it HURTS so much but we had to step back and think before acting. She would try to slap at us and this was even in the nursing home and just stared or said things that hurt our feelings and it was so hard to keep it in our heads to just let it pass and let her be as it will pass....and it did and when she finally got into the nursing home it was a relief as we were all afraid she might kill our father in the middle of the night as for example he went and got a haircut, came home and asked if she liked his hair cut and she said no and in a few minuted she came in with scissors in tow ready to cut his hair. My brother was there and got to talking about something else and got the scissors and dad was in shock....this was when he realized what we all had to do....
In the nursing home, she fought with the nurses and even the head nurse many times (she was very strong) and as the disease progresses they do get stronger and she sure did.....it was a long hard 6+ years but at least now she is at peace....and so are we....
you are in my prayers.....and get into a group with others about this disease...it will help....

Try to hang in there a little longer. The nursing home will be able to take care of her needs. I have
been there and I know it is hard on the caretaker.
Just take it one day at the time until you get some
help. My husband had both and he passed away 8 years ago this July. Maureen from Mobile, Ala.

sending prayers and hugs your way!!! Hang in there.

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I will keep you in my prayers ... I went through the same situation...it's VERY difficult (walking on eggs) Hugs

My prayers are with you, hang in there...say the Serenity Prayer, it helps...GOD will bless you for your patience and your humanity for taking care of a person who is no longer in her full mental capacity....take care of yourself and GOD bless you!

I understand what you're going thru. Love and patience is soo hard at times. Just try to understand that at most times they are not themselves. I pray that you will have the strength to get thru this. Hugs..Carol

Oh, dear, that is so difficult! I'll say a prayer for you that you can hang in there till next week. It's a hard thing to do, but a good nursing home with people trained to deal with dementia and Alzheimer's will be ultimately a safer environment for her. And then when you and your husband visit, you'll be able to concentrate on happy things, not on difficulties. It is so hard to see the older people go downhill like this, and it's hard to believe they don't know what they're doing some of the time. I guess if she's always felt this way toward you, there's no reason to think it will change now, she's probably just voicing what she's been thinking all along. It'll be better when you have some space between you, hang on. Hugs, Marji

I know that sometimes it will be a little hard, but just try some sugar and spice. Tell her how much you appreciate her and say that the both of you are so lucky to have her son and your husband in your lives. My MIL is the same as yours.

So sorry you have to go through this. You also need to take care of yourself. I think you both need a break from each other. I hope everything works out for you and your family
Bev