by kustomkuddle 13d ago

Oh my friends. Just when I think life is starting to settle down, my niece (the one that was released from prison in May, who is living with us until she is able to get along on her own, and who's children we have been raising for the past 5 years), dropped a huge bomb on me this morning. I've been kind of numb all day because of it; not knowing what to say or how to handle it. She informed me this morning that she is pregnant. She and the kids are still recovering from sever PTSD caused by all the abuse from her ex (who is still in prison). She and the kids are not emotionally ready to take care of a baby. I'm not ready to take care of a baby. The baby daddy is someone she met about 6 weeks ago. It doesn't sound like he is anymore emotionally ready than she is, but is willing to help out with the baby. My husband and I were afraid of something like this happening; tried to caution her. I know right now, I am only seeing the negative aspects of the situation. I'm sure that as time goes on, I will feel differently, but for now, I'm doing a lot of praying for guidance and understanding. Thanks for listening.

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by pennifold 8d ago

Thinking of you Debbie in your current situation. I agree with what the other ladies have said. Adoption would be a wonderful option. You all need to live your own lives and you've done so much for your niece already. God bless you for your unselfishness and I pray for some " tough love" in the coming months. Love Chris

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by maymason1 12d ago

hopefully she will of whats best for the new baby, ( adoption is a wonderful option.

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by pennyhal2 12d ago

You have every right to be concerned. All options have a negative side to them. There is no one "good" option." I am upset that you have been put in this situation, but you'll have to not just consider your niece, but your husband and your needs as well. Hugs, Penny

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by dailylaundry 12d ago

How difficult for you - if she would consider adoption - you need to know, our little grandson, Henry is adopted. My son and daughter-in-law are wonderful parents - he could not be in a more loving, patient home. There are many couples out there just waiting to have a baby to love and raise - just a thought. Please don't forget to take care of yourself - prayers to you and your family! Hugs, Laura

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by graceandham 12d ago

I know your knees are already worn out from praying. I will continue praying for the entire situation. Speak your heart to her, with love, about her proposed future and the future of her children. Perhaps she should consider adoption for the sake of her children already here, as she has not yet been able to provide for them financially. Also, emotionally, she seems to be near her limit, and a newborn is so demanding. I know you want a good result all around for all of them, and you deserve to not have to continue mothering her children for years to come.

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by cfidl 12d ago

I know this sounds crusty, however reality hurts. If she decides to have the baby, I suggest she speak with an attorney. There are so many choices, the father may decide he and his family would raise the baby, etc. Adoption, if considered must be handled with care as too many organizations have nefarious objectives. Lots of research and lots of prayer so that she may make an informed decision. When we are centered and calm, we may hear the voice of our higher power and feel all the grace and love that exists and is bestowed on us.

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by sewtired 12d ago

Don't know what to say, sending hugs and prayers.

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by airyfairy 12d ago

I am so desperately sorry for what life has thrown at you but even more sorry for the unborn baby. Again it will be you who has to pick up the pieces.
I really do not know what to say. My heart goes out to you and your husband. I am thinking of you. Look after yourself. Hugs Sarah

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by crafter2243 Moderator 12d ago

This is a difficult situation and I understand why you are so upset. I can only pray that you find the wisdom how to deal with it. It is even more upsetting when there are children involved. The line between helping and enabling can be muddled. Vent anytime.

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by sebsews 12d ago

My heart goes out to you and your family. I can't imagine the stress you are going through. Cuties are here for you and all involved. Sending prayers.

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by parkermom 13d ago

I can only imagine the dismay and all the other feelings are so overwhelming right now. You and your whole household will be in my prayers for God's guidance and comfort and wisdom. Perhaps she will entertain the idea of giving the child up for adoption. That would be gut-wrenching, I am sure. But as a mom of a daughter who went through so many fertility treatments only for them to fail, the choice of a woman to give her baby up to a childless couple is the most priceless gift she could ever give. I hope you all find a solution in time that fits in with God's will for the lives of all involved.

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by lbrow 13d ago

I am praying for you and her. Sounds like this lady is not matured as an adult yet. She after all she has been through was certainly not thinking about anyone but herself when this occurred. I have no solution or answer to your problem but know those children ,her and you and your husband need all the love and patience you can get. I think she needs to work and have some strict rules to abide by if she is to continue to live with you She needs to learn she is an adult a mother and must take some responsibility for her life and her children's. If there are any resources available for education to get herself prepared to support herself and children she needs to do this. I would talk with DHR and find out what resources there are and give her an ultimatum.

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