by pennyhal2 07 Jul 2020

My husband seems to have early stages of Alzheimer's. He's 91 and when he can't find something, he says I took it. Needless to say, it is very upsetting to me and all the logic in the world does not make him change his mind.

Does anyone know of an online support group?


by airyfairy 24 Jul 2020

Thinking of you Penny

by hightechgrammy 23 Jul 2020

I learned from my mom to not argue with her. Nobody wins and it makes her more peaceful without it. Support groups are amazing!
I know it has to be hard. My Dad felt so lost when Mom's memory was gone. It's a whole different kind of loss, isn't it? hugs to you cause you really need them!

by pennyhal2 13 Jul 2020

Thanks, everyone! I've linked up to a support group you've guided me to and I feel calmer now.

1 comment
jrob by jrob 14 Jul 2020

So glad you've found support. Our hearts are with you on this journey you had no plans of taking.

by basketkase 13 Jul 2020

By now you should be closer to your hubs heart breaks for you, and am so happy to see that others can give you such good advice regarding this illness. Stay strong, Penny and you are loved here!

by babash 11 Jul 2020

Has your Husband been diagnosed? It may not be Alzheimer's but a form of epilepsy which has memory loss and confusion called Absent Epilepsy.
This can be helped with medication.
If so he should not be driving as he is a danger to not only himself but also other road users. Most people do not realise that if you have certain medical conditions and are in a car accident even if you are sitting at a set of traffic lights and not moving you can be deemed to be at fault as you should never have been behind the wheel.

1 comment
pennyhal2 by pennyhal2 13 Jul 2020

I'll check with the doctor. Thanks.

by meganne 08 Jul 2020

Dear Penny, it is the most frustrating and difficult time, in any person's life, dealing or living with someone with Altzheimers Disease.
Ray's Mum lived with us for 8 1/2 years, before I could no longer cope with her as the disease progressed beyond my capability or experience.

There were thousands of times when I thought I couldn't stand any more, but when it's someone you love you somehow find the strength to last one more day, one more week.......

It will take great patience, far more than you even needed when your children were growing from infants to toddlers, to school age and you will need to keep reminding yourself that Alztheimers causes people to seem to go into reverse, going backward from adults to infancy, so unlike a child. who will learn when you repeatedly show them something, there is only regression with Dementia.
What will make it even harder is because it is your husband, someone you have relied on as your partner in life and that person may become unrecognisable, and it is heartbreaking and hard to even accept that it could be happening.
If you are prepared for the stages of the disease, if you know what to expect, it may help you cope a bit better, but it doesn't necessarily make it any easier. The progression and behaviour will depend on which part of the brain is being affected.

I don't say any of this to scare you but to help you.
You really need to talk to your family doctor and ask, nay, BEG if you have to, for his/her help. GP's usually know which organisations are available in your area.
You will need support and you will need to be able to get a break every few months, more often if necessary.
You may even need to research placement in a nursing home, at least to know what you will need to do when, if the time comes that you need more professional help for him, as his condition worsens. It can happen very quickly or it can happen over years.

If you feel talking to someone straight away would help you, then please feel free to PM me and I will give you my contact details. I can't remember where you live but with modern technology I'm only a text message away and it often helps just to vent your frustrations with someone.
I feel so very sad that this is happening, but you are not alone, there are many Cuties who have been through this and we will all be with you, as best we can.
Hugs and love, M

pennyhal2 by pennyhal2 09 Jul 2020

Thanks for your comments. It's reassuring to learn more about what is going on and it helps me to not freak out when something new pops up. Today it was going to a doctor's appointment at the wrong time. I had gone sheep herding early so that I could take him later in the afternoon. When I got home, he was gone. I was freaking out. Did not answer his cell phone. I couldn't find him anywhere. When he got home, he was totally convinced that his appointment was two hours earlier than it was. He did not recall the extensive conversaion we had in the morning.

Then I read your post. It lifted my spirits and helps me understand better that this is a progressive disease so that I don't freak out with when he does something he has never done before like he did today. I know it will only get worse so I'll make sure to take care of my needs too and connect with people who can support me. Thanks again!

basketkase by basketkase 13 Jul 2020

Meg always has the best advice!!๐Ÿ˜˜

airyfairy by airyfairy 24 Jul 2020

Thank you so much Meg.

by kustomkuddle 08 Jul 2020

My heart goes out to you. If your DH is anything like my loving Dad was, he would be mortified to know how he treated my mother at times because of his dementia. Like others have said, he can not help what he says. With my father, he knew that he was getting forgetful and couldn't remember all the things he wanted to. It frustrated him terrible that he could not take care of his family anymore and that frustration came out as anger and accusations to the ones that were closest to him. It is a horrible disease. As others have said, there should be support groups where ever you are. Start with your Dr for help finding a group near you. Sending prayers and hugs.

kustomkuddle by kustomkuddle 08 Jul 2020

These are a couple of groups I found on line. The second one lists more sites that are also available. I do not know if they will help, but is a place to start.

pennyhal2 by pennyhal2 08 Jul 2020

Thank you for your support and links. You father sounds just like my husband. He's very frustrated.

by airyfairy 08 Jul 2020

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. As Chris says - he doesnโ€™t mean what he is saying. I cannot give you any advice except to be kind. My thoughts are with you both.

1 comment
pennyhal2 by pennyhal2 08 Jul 2020

Thank you for your support.

by pennifold 08 Jul 2020

Hi Penny, I'm not sure where you live. I have most of my Cute people on a Database, but your country is not on my list. Most cities, states etc. here in Australia have Alzheimer's/Dementia support groups and I'm sure where you live there would be one.
As Karen has said, check with your husband's Doctor and he/she will be able to help you.
It's a dreadful disease, and I know from first hand experience with my father and now my Mum in early stages. Please don't take offence at what he says as they really don't know what is happening to them most of the time. Prayers for you Penny and your family. Love Chris

1 comment
pennyhal2 by pennyhal2 08 Jul 2020

Thanks for the support! I'll contact the link below and they should be able to send me in the right direction.

by shirley124 07 Jul 2020

Praying for you and your hubby. It is a very trying time. One of my brothers had this and he used to say similar things to his wife. Hugs

pennyhal2 by pennyhal2 08 Jul 2020

Thank you! Ah, a common side affect of this illness. Good to know.

shirley124 by shirley124 08 Jul 2020

Sending prayers.

by 02kar Moderator 07 Jul 2020

I wish i could help you. I'm sure the doctor could help with some tips of where to look. Please know you are not alone. We are all here for you so you can vent cry or ask for hugs. And there is no judgement. Too many of us have had or are going through similar experiences. So feel free to Private Message any of us anytime. And I add my prayers to the many going up for you and your hubby too.

1 comment
pennyhal2 by pennyhal2 08 Jul 2020

I have an appointment on Monday. The doctor only sees his logical side.

by crafter2243 Moderator 07 Jul 2020

My heart goes out to you and I will keep you in my prayers. I know from first hand experience how difficult this can be. It is not easy to remind yourself not to take the accusations personally. You are doing the best thing for yourself searching for a support group. I hope you can find one. In the meantime..... here is a hug. ๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—๐Ÿค—

1 comment
pennyhal2 by pennyhal2 08 Jul 2020

Hugs help! Thanks. Yes, I need to accept that he isn't doing this intentionally.

by sebsews 07 Jul 2020

ALZConnected is a free online community for everyone affected by Alzheimerโ€™s or another dementia, including people with the disease and their caregivers, friends, family members and neighbors, as well as those who have lost someone to the disease.
I know nothing about this group, found it by google. Also check out

1 comment
pennyhal2 by pennyhal2 08 Jul 2020

Gosh, I hadn't heard of them. Thanks for the site.

by cfidl 07 Jul 2020

I am so sorry to hear this news. My prayers go out to you both.

1 comment
pennyhal2 by pennyhal2 08 Jul 2020

Thank you! Prayers are appreciated.

by dailylaundry 07 Jul 2020

I don't know any support groups - but, you need to know you and your hubby are in my prayers. I hope you find the support help you need and deserve. Hugs, Laura

1 comment
pennyhal2 by pennyhal2 08 Jul 2020

Thanks you! Prayers are good!

by MamawKat 07 Jul 2020

My heart goes out to you and your husband. My 90 yr old daddy has this ugly disease and it is so hard on my momma being in a nursing home with him. Of course the home has been on lockdown since the middle of March and my brothers and I long to hug our parents and help make life easier for them. I will add you and your family to my prayer list. Only our Lord and Savior knows why our loved ones have to endure this hardship! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ™

airyfairy by airyfairy 08 Jul 2020

Welcome to Cute

pennyhal2 by pennyhal2 08 Jul 2020

Welcome to Cuties!

I'm hoping to keep him at home. I may need to get someone to come here to help me, but with this virus that may not be very safe.

by stork 07 Jul 2020

Check in your yellow pages or call the local hospital....they can give you the information regarding area support groups. Alzheimer is a very horrible stage and can leave the caregiver feeling depressed and upset. Please make sure you find some support for you and your husband. Best of luck

pennyhal2 by pennyhal2 08 Jul 2020

Thanks!. Yep. I get upset for sure!

We don't have yellow pages anymore where I live. I guess they think everyone in California has a computer. I miss the yellow pages.

stork by stork 11 Jul 2020

Call your family Doctor to find a group near you or try your local Area on Aging group.